For those of you who regularly read the posts I write here at Fortified By Books, you probably noticed that this past Friday I did not post my weekly Fit Readers check-in. It’s the first time I haven’t posted a check-in since I joined Fit Readers. I simply didn’t have the spoons to look at my FitBit stats and write about what has been going on. Instead, I chilled out on the couch with my cat and watched Parenthood.
As many of you know I have dealt with Anxiety and Depression for years. I’ve considered myself lucky to not have to be on any kind of medication for over a decade. That changed this week.
Until Tuesday afternoon, I was feeling pretty good. I’ve got a great boyfriend who’s family is amazing. I’ve got a job that, while it’s not my dream job, pays the bills. I’ve got friends, and this blog, and a hundred other things in my life that are either great or at least going well. So why did I have an anxiety attack at work? Why did the panicky feelings continue into the evening and then on into Wednesday? For the first time, I have no idea. Usually, my anxiety escalates during major life changes, not when my day to day life is stable.
For the first time since my first anxiety attack when I was a teenager, I was scared for myself. I knew I had lost control and needed help. I called my Doctor. I said “Yes” when I was asked if I was open to medication. I took my new meds for the first time on Thursday morning, and while I’m doing pretty well, SSRIs are not the kind of pills you just take and then everything is magically better. Hence the lack of spoons to write a simple weekly blog post.
While I can’t promise that I’ll definitely have a Fit Readers post up this Friday or any other post for that matter, I’m slowly adding back in all the activities I normally do as long as I feel I have the energy. I’m not going anywhere. This blog and the community of book bloggers I’m a part of means too much to me to shut it down. So, I’ll see you back here as soon as I can.